The Memoir of Beast
by CalahLoverOfAnime
Summary: What If Beast really saw something behind her that made her say 'Joker' and somehow she had been saved from almost certain death? i know. I'm not good at Summaries.
1. Chapter 1

**A/n- hi I'm Calah this is the first fan fiction I have ever written on this site. It's going to be multiple chapters about Beast from Noah's Ark circus and if she somehow survived and her life afterwards. This chapter I short because it kid of an introduction to the tory I hope you enjoy **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kuroshitsuji**

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><p>I remember everything about my final hours as human. I remember hearing the death cries of the only people I considered family as they were massacred. I remember running away with Dagger, our feet making audible thumps as went across cold wooden floor until we reached the bizarre cellar where I saw Dagger's life drain from his body, saving me. I remember as I held his cold body, thick clouds of flour gathering around me as the tall blond chef nonchalantly throwing in a match that should have sent me straight into the next life.<p>

Though out of everything, what I remember most was the quick moving shadow in the back of the three servant of the Phantomhive, moving like a knife, cutting the cool night air heading my for my direction. His hair like orange flames and enchanting purple eyes, with feature like a lone wolf, our leader '_Joker' _was my final thought before scorching flames swallowed me.

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><p><strong>An- what happens to Beast? Is that really Joker? So many questions, read the next chapter to find out. Please. Oh and please review. If you do I'll give you a free hug coupon! Thank you for reading**


	2. Love, Lust, and Change

A/n- hi my name is Calah. Thank you Hope Diamond for reviewing i bestow to you a free hug coupon XD. i hope you enjoy

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><p>I felt numb everywhere. It was becoming difficult to breathe as the wind chipped lightly at my charred skin. I wanted to cry. I was all alone and about to die. Every else perished in effort to save circus, and me, I was going to die knowing it was fruitless effort. It wasn't fair. I didn't want to die, not yet, not like this.<p>

I felt his light hand brush against my tear stricken cheek. I slowly moved my head away from the night sky. All I wanted to see was joker he was all I had left but instead of his usual kind demeanor, he was different. All the features matched perfectly, they felt hollow leaving a mask of discontent, yet his glares stabbed at me with power and knowledge of things that should be outside human comprehension. It scared me. It captivated me. He lured me in until I started losing control. Right before I was completely sucked me in, he pulled his head letting me escape from his spell. He began to speak in a monotone voice

"Do you want to be with me, forever"

My heart skipped a beat; this is what I have always wanted from him, but it didn't feel right. Why now, after all these years, why when I'm about to die. But I wanted him. I needed the illusion. So I pushed my better judgment in the far recesses of my mind, I inched my singed fingers and even though it took all y strength I gently smiled at him. His masked finally broke into a shocked expression but soon melt into a shy if not uncomfortable and sad smile.

"Is this a yes" his face slowly declined until the tip of our noses touched and again I looked into those unfathomable purple orbs. He continued to decline, I hoped he was going to grant my final wish, final recognized my feeling for him, and we would finally kiss, but our lips never touched. Instead I felt it. I felt the small pinch at the nip at my neck. At first there was nothing then there was a small…heat. It spread through my body; pleasure immersed me like the passionate night with Bla-Sebastian, the Phantomhive's Butler, but this was pure passion. No hidden agendas, no guilt, just passion. Soon the passion became uncomfortable. I wanted to wriggle free in reach for the pleasure, but that moment was gone. Uncomforted became long tongues of fire that wrapped around me burning me alive, at it epicenter was the base of my neck. Feverishly I scratched at it. Long crimson strip started to form. A firm hand grasped my arm pulling me from my already bleeding neck. I howled at the pain while to arms wrapped around me. _Had I died and gone to hell, _That was my last thought before I blacked out.

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><p>An- i'm sorry for my extended absence. . i really hope you enjoyed. i decided to keep the chapter short, but it looked longer on word. i really tried. If there is still anyone reading please review, even if they are bad. so review and i will give you a batch of freshly made cookies.

\(^0^)/ it will definitely take less time to write my chapter. Sorry for the delay and thank you ^-^


	3. The Morning After part 1

I shot up after my nightmare. It was a nightmare, right? I grabbed my chest feeling its quickened beat. Noticing my porcelain skin it was smooth, not the uneven black skin that had been so vivid in my dream. My breathing became steady. Of course it was a dream, I'd be dead if were anything else.

Right then his smooth hand wrapped around me and his cool breath tickled my throat. I touched his cheek gentle tracing his jaw line. He tilted his head so that I could marvel at his eyes. They were as intense as in my 'dream'. They were darkened with knowledge and small gleam that I could only see as hunger, lust.

I understood, my feeble attempts to deny the truth were erased the moment that his and my eyes met. Everyone was dead except for me.

"Every-" I whimpered afraid to finish the thought, 'Joker' held me tighter to coax me to continue " everything that happened yesterday- is it true" he just nodded his head. I curled into a ball under 'Joker firm arms as small pool formed in my eyes. I was all alone. Nothing could ever be the same.

As if 'Joker' read my thought, he whispered into ears "everything is going to be fine" I turned around and buried my face into his chest. I wept for what felt like hours, mourning over the family I lost and the people I would never again see in this lifetime.


	4. The Morning After part 2

A/n- I know it might be confusing but Beast is not dead. I couldn't tell you more without destroying the story. So you will just have to read on. :D thank you to hope diamond for constantly reviewing it is much appreciate and Robin Pendragon for reviewing as well. I hope everyone reading enjoys the story so far. So I will stop my rambling and begin

Disclaimer: I don't own Kuroshitsuji

'Joker' held me as we sat on a cliff overlooking the Phantomhive's Manor. He played with my black locks as I traced his biceps. We stayed there for a while milking this peace for as long as we could. But then it hit me like a ton of bricks, 'Joker' had both arms, One gentle playing with my hair the other supporting both our weights. How could I not notice it? I leaned up and grabbed his arm; 'Joker' seemed slightly confused but quickly recovered, hiding all his emotions under that perfect mask.

"What are you doing" he asked in a perfectly even tone.

"When did you get this, Joker" challenging his nonchalant demeanor. His furrowed his eyebrow in confusion.

" I have always had both my limb" he paused to say something else but decided to stop gentle removing my hand from his arm

"Joker, you never had this arm at least not when I've known you "this time his eyebrow twitched showing a small crack in the mask he wear in front of me.

"Stop calling me that" he looked away from his voice tense but still even

"Calling you what, Joker"

"That" he pauses "joker" I stare at him. He wasn't serious, right. I'd ever only known him as joker and a far as I known that what he ever known him self as.

I abruptly turn away from him crossing my arms "what should I call you then" little more than slightly annoyed.

He flinched a bit at my comment farther breaking through the mask "call me Cian"

"Why? Joker sounds much better"

"Don't compare me to your lost lover" he caught me off guard. What had he meant lost lover? I looked at him. He looked at me with cold purple eyes

"I am not Joker, never confuse me with such a peasant" he words were cruel. They sent shivers down my spine. I backed away slowly, knowing his words were true. Joker could never be this mean not even to his sworn enemy. Cian face softened, "you know Cian is an Irish name" walking up keep us at the same distance " it means ancient one, which is quite fitting considering what I am" he was suddenly right behind me "do you want to what that is" his cool breath right under my neck, chilling me to my core. I couldn't answer, I was to afraid. "That all right I will tell you" he held my chin so I couldn't move from his intimidating stare. " I'm a vampire" he showed me his elongated canine teeth "you are too"

A gleam of madness went through Cian hungry eyes. Before his long fang were driven into my neck this much less pleasurable than in my dream. It took several moments before everything began to collide. I remember how I couldn't breathe and how painful it was I remember laying in a heap after he was finished with me and the repulsive red liquid poured into my mouth, and how it tasted so good. How I wanted more, needed more.

A/n- Hi it Calah again, I hope you enjoyed this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it. how do you like the introduction to Cian. I am sorry if it is confusing. :( I will clarify in the chapter to come. Please Review, even if it bad. Thank you for reading I hope you reaf the next chapter soon.


	5. Just an Update

Hi it me, Calah. I know you were hoping for an update but its just an update on why it taking so long. There are two main reason why it taking me so long to write. Number 1 I'm kind of in a slump so my ideas are coming at a slower pace and number 2 school started a week or so ago, so I have overall les time to update. I'm so sorry it taking me so long but to make up for it the next couple of chapter that do come up will be an hour or so apart. So yea… don't think I forgot about all you. ; A ;


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